im on a search for a new place.
ive been itching to leave for a while now.
sorry xanga, but its over. abruptly and without strings.

 http://loracelaine.blogspot.com/

how do you do. im awake. shoot. yesterday at work this kid gave me his change after his purchase and said it was a valentines gift for me.
thanks??
but you know, the other day i thought i lost my computer sound. but its okay. all fixies. music for life! ive also been thinking about change, alot. so strange. i could really go for some breakfast right now. i guess ill just stay in bed.

this just isnt gonna work out for me.

nuclear war, and the end of earth.

i dont pay much attention to the big picture. i know it affects me, but so indirectly that i cant tell when, where, or how; or even from what. ive been thinking lately about picking up and going. to ireland or new zealand. cause i mean really, does it really fucking matter if im here or there? if there was someone to come with me, i would. but i dont think i could do it alone - i need some street smarts. two are better than one. just live there for a couple years. making means. taking things in. living on a farm. avoiding war and depression. i would leave without notice, if there was someone. sigh. until then. damn you anna for being younger. or perhaps, i, for being too old.

i cant stop myself from listening to mayer hawthornes astronote remix.

ive got to get out of here

i must keep moving forward, or

sideways even

for where i am is an earthquake!

i can only watch so many mountains float away on the ocean before

i myself erupt

and where i used to be is undefined, to return would be orphaning

id sooner smile on sleeping memories

so in my cold skin, stirring, ill emerge

hand in hand or by my knees,

onward it is

i feel good today. but since i dont have a damn thing to do, i think ill reminisce on love. i was thinking about this earlier today in the shower. i have experienced three types of (male) love, all very good to experience, i believe.

1. this person i love. with everything that there is inside of me. and perhaps at one point was in love with, and perhaps at another time and place could be in love with. but for now, in this moment, i have so much love. in a friendship way, in a family way, and in a lover way. its strong, persistent, and has grown to be rational, although it did not used to be, and can be irrational in those special moments. it is absolutely lovely.

2. this person i do not love and was not in love with. i did love very much as a friend at one point. then it got weird. cause eventually for the most part i was just physically trapped. it was fun, but painful. all of that is gone now, and i really dont remember much of anything. or really have any thoughts or feelings about it. maybe a little regret, but whatever.

3. this person i dont think i knew long enough to completely love, or be in love with. but i can honestly say i was falling in love with him. it was cut off before i got there, and im glad for that. but i was called out on it, and just knew it was happening. it was good. it was a connection on levels i havent connected with in so long or maybe ever and it was perfect. even though it was just a few weeks. it was young, bumpy, but pure. but it needed time. it was good.

so those are the ways ive experienced love. i think they have all very much made who i am today. im glad to have been through it all. ooh i wonder if people can guess these. i dont think i have any more thoughts on that for now. what about you, friends?

BYE!

(i cant wait to move. im sick of being here.)